Thursday, October 11, 2012

the cycle

I am a stress case. I am taking 17 credits. One of my classes is Human Anatomy. It was really stupid of me to take anatomy with so many other classes because it takes up all of my life. I have been stressed to the point where I have begun to get an ulcer again, among other things. Don't worry, I went to the doctor and I've got pills to make me better but the stress just keeps coming back. Just when I think I'm back on top of things 3 other tests and papers pop up and it all begins again. It's making me super emotional. I cry all the time -- in the past two weeks I think I've cried 6 times, which is a lot for me. Recently, my dance teacher told me that I need to relax. I am holding tension in my shoulders and I have a tendency to rush things because I'm always 'go go goooooo' kinda deal. Not good. My music for dancers teach told me that I need to relax when I'm playing on the drum because I have a tendency to rush and that makes me tense up and then the accents aren't working. So right when I think that my dance classes aren't giving me grief, I realize that the stress from my other classes is factoring into my classes that I should have no problem with. And this is making me even more stressed because I don't know how to relax. There is something wrong with me and I don't know how to fix it. Its making me more stressed. More stomach acid. More ulcer. More pain. More stress. THIS CYCLE NEEDS TO STOP! I'm at the halfway point of the semester and how I've survived this long I'll never know.. Here's to surviving the second half! I can do this! 
This is me.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving Peeps!

The irony is killing me -- the day I'm most homesick out of the year is the day that reminds us of all the things we have to be thankful for. HA! Its a good joke! Its this way for a reason though. That reason being that I, specifically, need a reminder of all the things I have to be grateful for not just this one day, but every day.
I am eternally grateful for the forever family that I have to be missing today and every day.
I am grateful to have been blessed enough to always have two huuuuuge thanksgiving dinners every year. One with the McMurray's and one with the Cosgroves. I love spending time with these people!
I am grateful to be where I am on this thanksgiving, spending it with my wonderful roommates who feel like family and remind me that I am loved.
I am grateful, especially after this last week to be dancing here at BYU -- I got the opportunity to dance with the Paul Taylor dance company twice, as well as dance with the Beijing Dance Academy twice. Also, I'm grateful for the opportunity to have access to the dance training room (Did you know that BYU is one of the only schools in the country with a dance training room? Ya. Awesome.) specifically, Ron Nutall who fixes me when I am broken and always makes me feel good about myself.
I am grateful for my little greaser phone. It really is a piece.. a brick if you will, but it connects me to my family in Canada, so I love it regardless. aaand it has a pink case so that makes it bearable.
I am grateful for Arielle Anne Harrison aka Sebastian. She is just a ray of sunshine in my life. Some people would hate having to share a room but I love it because she makes it fun. She always knows what to say to make my day go better and gives great advice, unlike myself. And one of my favorite things about Bastchy is that no matter what kind of awful day she is having, she makes sure those around her are happy before she worries about herself.
I am grateful for the chance I had to spend the weekend with my brother and Ethan. It was so fun to have them here! It took a little bit of the homesickness away :)
I am grateful for Canadian chocolate -- smarties, coffee crisp, and aeros. Even the kit kats are better in Canada.
I am grateful for my "hot thing" that my mom sent down with Craig because my apartment's heat does not work at the moment and I am constantly freeeeeeezing. (Its getting fixed tomorrow probably. I'm grateful for that too.)
I am grateful for the opportunity I had this weekend to watch General Conference and to attend the sunday afternoon session. I am grateful for the Prophet. I am grateful for the words that were spoken and the testimonies born this weekend. I am so grateful for the atonement. I am so grateful that I can live with my family for time and all eternity -- nothing sounds better to me. I am grateful for the Book of Mormon. I am grateful for the opportunity I have to get married in the temple someday for time and all eternity. I am grateful for the knowledge of the gospel that I have been blessed with and the many opportunities that I have to learn more about it each and every day. I am so grateful for the hand of the Lord in my life.
I live the best life, don't I? Here's to pumpkin pie with a sinful amount of whipped cream. Happy Thanksgiving!

Ps. Isn't fall just the most charming season? I've never really liked it all that much before but I'm seriously enjoying it this year. It is b-b-b-beautiful!